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Misunderstandings About Adoption

#1: Birth parents who care about their child would never consider adoption.

You may think that if you consider adoption for your child, you are a cold, uncaring, and selfish person. Maybe you’re afraid others will think you don’t love your child, and you think, “I’m unloving- I’m no good.” If you’re feeling this way, consider the following:

1. Birth parents who make adoption plans are really loving, caring people.
2. Ask yourself: “Where did I get the idea that I do not love my child if I make an adoption plan?”
   This message may have come from parents, friends, television, or other media. Many people are uneducated about adoption and do not understand it as a loving option.
3. Recognize your feelings of love and concern for your unborn child while you consider adoption.

• Allowing your child to be born, rather than choosing abortion, is a loving decision.
• When you eat nutritiously, receive regular prenatal care, refrain from smoking, drinking, or using illegal drugs, it shows you love your child and want to give your child a good start in life. If you have failed in this area, please forgive yourself and focus on tomorrow.
• When you talk to your unborn child and share your hopes and plans for him or her, you care for your child.

These acts of protecting, nourishing, and nurturing your unborn child indicate you love your child just as much as someone who might choose to parent.

#2: A birth parent will never know anything about her child and his or her adoptive family in the following years.

You may be thinking that you will never know anything about your child’s future life. If you choose adoption, but today information sharing is very common. As the birth parent you can help to develop an adoption plan that has the degree of openness you want. Some options for openness you may wish to consider include the following:

• Selecting your child’s adoptive family from pictures/profiles of families awaiting adoption.
• Meeting the adoptive family.
• Receiving information about your child’s adoptive parents.
• Spending time with your child after birth.
• Giving a gift and writing a letter to your child and/or to the adoptive family.
• Receiving pictures and reports of your child and sending pictures and letters to your child on a regular basis after placement.
• Having continued visits with your child and the adoptive parents either in a neutral setting or in their home.

Many birth parents are delighted to learn that they can participate in planning their child’s adoption. This active involvement in planning can make adoption a very positive event for you and take away some of your concerns.

#3: Adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy.

Perhaps you’re ruling out adoption because you think you would be irresponsible if you made that choice. You may feel that you must parent as your punishment for becoming pregnant, and so it is your duty to parent.

Is parenting a responsible choice when it will be hard for you to place the needs of your child before your own? Is it responsible to parent your child if you have no money, no one to help you, and no skills to get a good job? Is parenting a responsible decision when you still have a lot of growing up to do yourself? Remember that just because you got pregnant does not mean you will be a good parent.

#4: A birth parent will eventually forget about the child she/he relinquished for adoption.

If you believe you must forget about your child when you choose adoption, your decision will be very hard to live with.

Years ago, many birth parents were expected to forget their children and go on as if nothing ever happened. Many of them suffered in silence. For them, adoption became a painful and lonely experience.

If you make an adoption plan for your child, you will never forget and will never want to forget your child. What you will want is to continue with your life without being emotionally crippled by your loss. You will want to remember your pregnancy, your baby’s birth, and those precious hours or day shared with your child in the hospital. When you remember, you will want to feel that you made the most loving, mature, and selfless decision possible, given your circumstances.

For you to remember your child in a positive way, give yourself time to grieve. The birth parent counselor will be available to help you with these feelings as you begin to make an adoption commitment.

#5: All adopted children will grow up to have serious psychological problems.

Perhaps you have heard that adopted children grow up to have serious problems with drugs, alcohol, personal relationships and mental illness.

Recent research does not support this misunderstanding. Studies show:

• Adopted and non-adopted children are not different in adjustment, delinquency, or mental health.
• Adopted teenagers are as emotionally stable as non-adopted.
• Adopted individuals do not have more family problems.

It is true that adoption has caused problems for some families. When adoptive parents are unwilling or unable to discuss adoption issues with their children, children can suffer. Some adoptive parents may not have dealt with the pain of their own infertility. But adoptive parents who are comfortable sharing information about adoption and who accept their child’s feelings will most likely have well-adjusted children.

Make certain your child is placed with an adoptive family that will be open and honest about adoption. You can help choose a good home for your child by working closely with our staff.

#6: No one can love a child as much as the birth mother can.

Adoptive parents can love your child as fully and selflessly as biological parents. Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love and acceptance, consistently nurturing and caring in a way that puts the needs of the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them. They can offer:

• Psychological secure and stability of a 2 parent home.
• Financial security.
• Maturity and wisdom that comes with age and life experiences.
• Spiritual direction and values.
• Plenty of time to spend with their children. Most adoptive parents are finished with their education and are established in careers. They are at a point in their lives where they are truly able to enjoy their children.

These misunderstandings about adoption are the most common ones birth parents struggle with. Now that you are able to recognize which myths, if any, you have believed, you can replace them with correct information.

If you have doubt about any of this information, please feel free to discuss this with our staff.

A Baby from Heaven Adoptions also known as A Act of Awesome Love Adoptions
24 Hour Birth Parent Hot Line (800) 364-6933